Mean Spouses
The immaturity of meanness robs you of being child-like
We've all seen it. Men and women vying at each other, bitter, resentful, full of contempt, dismissive, cold-hearted toward each other, all vying to stamp their authority as a victim over the other.
In the process, they lose their joy, happiness, light hearted-ness and good will. They lose their high opinion of others, become suspicious, accusatory, paranoid and blaming instead of self reflecting.
They lose the most important aspect of a relationship, the ability to be childlike with one another.
The Prophet ﷺ, king of all men, was the epitome of this playfulness with all his wives, this light hearted-ness with his companions, this forbearance even with his enemies. This makes him no slouch, (hasha), rather it empowers him. It gives him the upper hand. Real strength is having all the power in the world to destroy someone, but choosing not to.
It's the choice in between the thick of abuse and hurt, in the sea of sensitivity that gives one virtue. You cannot be considered gentle until you have displayed your ability to be ferocious, otherwise you're merely passive and meek.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld said:
"Nobody deserves to be praised for goodness unless he is strong enough to be bad, for any other goodness is usually merely inertia or lack of will-power".
Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't allow you the space to be childlike, will be the quickest way to resentment and distrust.
You rob others of the right to vulnerability and in total irony, as you assume you're acting serious and like an adult, you actually become childish and your actions juvenile and infant like which is the opposite of child-like. Your actions and reactions will become tantrums, not true expressions of mature love, responsibility or accountability.
Surprisingly, children have far more propensity to accountability than adults do.
After the word bakheel/a, which is a miser, the word La'eem/a is one of the worst things you can call someone. Nothing is quite as ugly as miserliness, but utter meanness, this indescribable contempt and bitter cruelty that the word means, is revolting.
Being mean to one's spouse is disgusting and inexcusable.
It is robbing them of the chance of being childlike and expressing themselves completely. It is also indirectly manipulative. It assumes by ensuing the mean treatment you can make the other person or persuade them to corrective behaviour, or behaviour you wish them to practise.
The opposite occurs, you just put up more walls, and they are all projections coming from you first. If your spouse responds in kind, take a long hard look at your initial actions and intentions. WHY…. were you acting with such meanness?
Not being able to be childlike in a relationship robs you of freedom and keeps you trapped in a snare with your own ego. You inevitably cause your and your spouses destruction.
All of this comes from nothing short of ego. People who act in this manner are utterly underdeveloped and entitled brats.
They assume the world has to pander to their needs and wants and thus stagnate in the position waiting for the world to change around them. These are not healthy partners, these are not kind partners. These are mean partners and nothing else.
This is by no way the method of the Prophet ﷺ, his wives, or companions and their wives. This is new age selfish rhetoric. Rhetoric pushed by the world of pschologists-come-self help gurus. Fraudsters selling a selfishness disguised as self love and self care.
And all you had to do all along was let go.....
and follow the footsteps of the beloved ﷺ, to become beloved,
to have love,
to bathe in love,
to be love itself.
The Prophet Muhammad said:
“Kindness doesn’t touch anything, except it makes it more beautiful”
Stop being mean to each other, its so ugly!
Wesam El dahabi